A New Season

Wow - the Lord does some amazing things. In me, no less. I spent several days fretting over this offer for reconciliation. What would be the outcome? But, even after accepting, I was still mostly confident I made the right choice. Even walking into something potentially disastrous, I knew I was being obedient.  The Lord directed me to a verse through a book I'm reading.


"He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross." - Colossians 1: 18-20


This spoke deeply to me - perhaps because it became more real to me than about just my narrowed view of the situation I was in. We are all broken, but He promises to fix us - in simple terms. My heart sings at that thought. I won't be broken forever. But, this relationship wouldn't be broken forever. This never guaranteed a specific outcome, but brought a sense of hope.


I will say - I knew for a long time that the Lord promised reconciliation for this specific friendship. And, I gave up on Him following through. I thought I missed it and that all those times I thought I heard Him whisper his promise of fixing what was broken or directing to me to verses ended up being me wanting a specific outcome. Despite my failure to trust that He would fulfill His promise within His timing, He fulfilled it without me believing He would. That is humbling, friends.


I will say, never has any meeting with a friend been so divinely constructed. The Lord was clearly in all of it for me. It happened in the way that spoke appropriately to my heart. And, as we begin inching our way back towards friendship, I am comfortable and happy with this, albeit extremely cautious. After, our meeting, I went back to praying and felt like the Lord told me, "Your show of grace to this friend will be just a small representation of My Grace." Wow.


He showed me, that I did not take the easy way out - I chose, in some ways, the more difficult path. And, that it will have its fair share of challenges, but will primarily be a test in patience. He has done something He has never done before: very clearly stated that I'm in a new season. In the past they've kind of just blended from one to the next, but He specifically drew a line. It is different going forward. I am incredibly humbled and sufficiently challenged.

2011, Mr. New Year, I welcome you

Yikes - it's been a while. So quick recap of what's happened since the beginning of December.

• At the beginning of January, I was moved to a new position at LM. This is a very good thing...VERY good. Last week was my first week and I think I'm going to like it.
• I've made the decision to begin saving for a house...I think I may have mentioned this previously, but things are in the works as if this is really going to happen - estimated house purchase date is June-ish 2012.
• I've spent a few weeks of this new year looking for a church. I think there's a pretty good candidate out there...and for the time being, I will continue to go until I feel led otherwise.
• My new mantra for this year is...Yes! Saying yes to things (within reason) that I wouldn't normally say yes to...
• The biggest thing - I really feel like a healing process has begun or maybe more likely that I'm beginning to feel the effects of the said process. 

I've not hidden or made light of the fact that my heart has experienced a traumatic two years.  I've spent a long time wondering if I'd ever be okay. I have recently watched my friend go through a relationship (albeit not a long one) and towards the end get hurt. My heart ached for her, but I told her she was allowed to mope, but only for a week and then it's time to get re-focused and back to life. 

Man, if only I had taken my own advice two years ago. (Although, I'm still not sure it would have been too applicable...) Regardless, I decided to take my own advice this year - I was going to quit whining about what I don't have and focus on what I DO have. Remaining positive is so important...no one likes to be around someone who is always negative.

I was challenged by a friend to clean up my Facebook (FB) friends list.  Woah - let me tell you, there is something so freeing about paring down and removing that which is not important. Not to say that the people I deleted aren't important, but they're not a part of my life - at least not anymore. I think I've, so far, totaled about 75 people deleted from my FB friends list. I think I've put entirely too much importance on FB and let it carry a weight it shouldn't. 

I even took the difficult step in blocking people from FB...not because I didn't want them looking at my page, but more along the lines of not wanting to see their updates, pictures, posts, etc. Let me tell you - THIS WAS SO HARD!!! I feel like for a long time I was choosing to have that thorn in my side and for the first time, I chose to remove it.

I can't help but think that this is something the Lord wanted me to do a long time ago. I usually end up laughing at the Lord's timing...for some reason in my life, it's typically filled with irony. A few days afterwards, I visited a church. They were having a guest speaker. I have no doubt that it's what I needed to hear. 

He spoke about how when the Lord removes something from your past, he completely burns it up. No remnants remain - and you are not to look backwards but forwards. Talk about confirmation - removing my past completely, so I can only focus on the present and future. I left with a light heart...it's been a while since I've experienced that.

Maybe it's just me, but I like to believe that you cheer me on when breakthroughs or good things happen. A breakthrough! Moving forward! I have to laugh, though, because I take a few steps and am presented with a crossroads. In the short time I've spent praying about it - I feel like the Lord's told me, "Neither path is wrong or right." Well, thanks - not terribly helpful. 

So, what is this crossroad? An offer for reconciliation. Thankfully, no decision has to be made soon. But, currently I'm stuck at indecision. A week ago I would have said - yes, I am deserved an apology...blah blah blah. However, realizing that the past has been completely burned up - I question which option I should take. 

I also have the thought that maybe this reconciliation offer isn't just about me, but is also a step for the other party. So, if I say no - am I hindering someone else's growth? Will I regret not doing it? Will I regret doing it? Either option can end poorly...but both could end up fine. So, I request your prayers as I weigh my options. And, I'd even accept advice, too. :)