A Short One

Sometimes moms are right.

"Anna, you need friends that have money too. So they can afford to do things with you."

So. Right.

Where do I find those people?

Fairytales

Last night after writing my blog post, I went to bed with a heavy heart.  I felt frustrated, boxed in and limited.  Trapped, even.  I went to bed, and couldn’t sleep.  The Lord very clearly gave me a Bible verse to go look at…which led me to all of the following.

Now, I typically don’t like to talk about relationships much (as a single lady).  I feel it teeters on a danger zone and can put your heart in a position it doesn’t need to be in.  However, I think I should share what was revealed to me last night, which will very much be about relationships.

As little girls, we are introduced to the fairytale: Princes and Princesses and happily ever after.  We get caught up in the idea that one day our Prince will come find us, and he’ll be perfect.  Then, we get older, and realize that maybe the fairytale doesn’t exist.  

•        Sometimes, the Princess sees a Prince (or any male in general) and, instead of waiting to see if he’ll come get her – she decides to go get him. Maybe he was looking for a different Princess.
•      Some Princesses just give up and are no longer on the lookout for their Prince. And, if he DOES find them, no one wants a Princess wallowing in self-pity or someone who’s bitter.
•        Other Princesses find out their Prince has been kissing all the other Princesses on Palace Avenue.
•        Yet still, some princesses decide they’ll do it on their own, because they don’t need a dumb Prince to help them. They’re independent and can do it their own way.
•        Princesses can decide that the Duke or Count (or, heck, in some cases, even the Stable Boy) is an okay alternative for a Prince. I mean, it’s not like there have been any Princes that have come through that part of the country.
•        Sometimes, the Prince isn’t all he’s portrayed himself to be. Maybe he’s arrogant and self-centered and only found the Princess to make himself look better. Sometimes, he stops trying once he’s got his Princess and becomes a lazy fool. Or many other numerous scenarios.

So, as this was playing out in my head, I thought, “Maybe referring to females as princesses is in poor taste and outdated.”  Besides, I’ve had friends obsessed with the princess/crown theme, which has definitely turned me off to the idea.  But, thinking further and barring any female that takes the princess theme to the extreme and becomes an entitled, self-centered diva, princess is right.

A princess is someone that has value.  She is cherished.  She is honored.  She is respected.  She is a leader.  She is important.  She is loved.  She is treasured.  She is influential.  Her words hold worth and weight.  And, as females we should view ourselves as such.

To tie this in to the verse the Lord gave me, He reminded me of the man who looked for the pearl.  “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.  When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.  When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

Matthew 13:44-46

I had always seen this as someone finding Jesus, or Him finding us.  But, the Lord told me that maybe I should consider myself as the pearl/treasure – I have NEVER considered myself as this.  Wait for the merchant [man] who will not only search for BUT recognize the pearl/treasure of great value [me].

So, I started looking up “treasure” and found many other Bible verses to support this.

“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”

-Proverbs 18:22

Then, in Song of Solomon, the bride is called his treasure numerous times.

“You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.  You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace.  Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride.  Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.”

-Song of Solomon 4:9-10

“You are my private garden, my treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain.”

-Song of Solomon 4:12

“I have entered my garden, my treasure, my bride!”

-Song of Solomon 5:1a

And, finally, what struck me the most:

“Such, O women of Jerusalem, is my lover, my friend.”

-Song of Solomon 5:16b

She doesn’t mean some some dude I just met.  Or some guy I think will be great to have children with.  Or this man who I could possibly make marriage work with.  But, he’s a friend.  This to me means someone you share commonality with, a comrade, buddy, and confidante.  It’s someone you enjoy spending time with and sharing your life with.  Someone to laugh with.  Now THAT’S what I want.  I’ll hold tight to the idea of fairytales and keep looking out my little window in the tower and be the Princess that actively waits for the Prince.  As my Aunt S said, “I’m GLAD you’re picky.” So am I…so am I.

Stay Back!

Children love boundaries - or at least thrive with them...that's what I hear parents say. Boundaries provide structure, safety and prevent chaos. They are good, healthy and necessary.

Well, we as children of Christ are also to operate within certain boundaries - granted, this can be different for each individual. However, ultimately, the Bible gives us the guidelines and boundaries with which we are to live by.

A few months ago, I felt the Lord draw in my boundaries in a certain area of my life. I feel like He took me from a field to play in to a little 4x4 fenced in area. Some days it's frustrating, but I KNOW it's good for me.

Of course, almost immediately after I was given those boundaries - I tested them. And, not surprisingly, I got hurt. A gentle reminder from the Lord that there is purpose behind fencing me in, and it's not to be hurtful and controlling, but to protect me from the hurt.

I do know, though, at any time, I can leave my 4x4 area and frolic in the field...at my own risk. Being the somewhat free spirit I am...or more, hard-headed gal, this is oh-so-tempting. These boundaries are not going to be patrolled by the Lord. He won't be walking around the perimeter to make sure I'm following in line...it's up to me.  I have to make the decision to stay. I have to decide what's important - obedience and safety or selfishness and pain.

Tonight was the first time I had to stay inside the fence. It's hard and I feel REALLY limited in some ways. But, He's protecting me from the hurt. He has my best interest in mind. I have to trust and believe this.

Same old stuff...

So - you know, my life's been pretty boring lately....got a raise at work, have 3 friends/family give birth last week, and so on. The usual.

But, in reality, I could NOT be prouder to have become an AUNT for the first time and SO excited to see some great folks head into a new phase in life!!! :) Oh, such sweet, precious little bebes!!

This is the adorable Amelia (Millie) Wright...I have a feeling that she and I will be good friends in the future....how can you not fall in love with that face?!

This is the little fighter Miles (Milo) Wright...his little face has captured my heart. This picture makes me tear up sometimes! He definitely reminds me of Philip...already!!!

We are so dang happy for Phil Phil and Jenni! What a beautiful family!

Root vs. Symptoms

I know - I'm so behind in my updating! So, Friday I went to the doctor....the, er, "woman doctor." Ugh.  If you've read my blog, you know I've been experiencing some medical issues I guess you'd call them. I really went into the appointment on some level excited (not in a weird way) because I felt I would walk away with an answer...finally! Unfortunately, that didn't happen. The answer I received was - there's nothing we can do or you can get bariatric surgery. Really, lady? THOSE are my options? Nothing else can help...? It can't possibly be anything else?

I walked away with so many more questions than answers. But, I will not accept her answer...I gave her my list of symptoms, one of which is inability to lose weight. She told me that if I just lost some weight, my symptoms would go away. What? I've spent 2 years working my butt off in an effort to lose weight and I can't. Addressing one symptom doesn't get to the root of the problem.

Sadly, I'm still in my quest to figure out what's wrong with my body, but the Lord brought to my attention that this relates to our spiritual lives. How often do we address a symptom? How often do we fail to get to the root of the problem? Are we willing to spend the time to search out and explore, through difficult or painful means to fix our heart issues?

This experience opened my eyes that not all "qualified people" know the answer. A few letters behind a person's name or their professional experience doesn't always mean they know what to do. Sometimes they give you the wrong answer. Sometimes they provide the most drastic option available. Sometimes they don't listen. Sometimes they won't spend time with you to seek out the root of the problem - they'll address a symptom. Sometimes the first answer isn't the right or best one.

A New Season

Wow - the Lord does some amazing things. In me, no less. I spent several days fretting over this offer for reconciliation. What would be the outcome? But, even after accepting, I was still mostly confident I made the right choice. Even walking into something potentially disastrous, I knew I was being obedient.  The Lord directed me to a verse through a book I'm reading.


"He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross." - Colossians 1: 18-20


This spoke deeply to me - perhaps because it became more real to me than about just my narrowed view of the situation I was in. We are all broken, but He promises to fix us - in simple terms. My heart sings at that thought. I won't be broken forever. But, this relationship wouldn't be broken forever. This never guaranteed a specific outcome, but brought a sense of hope.


I will say - I knew for a long time that the Lord promised reconciliation for this specific friendship. And, I gave up on Him following through. I thought I missed it and that all those times I thought I heard Him whisper his promise of fixing what was broken or directing to me to verses ended up being me wanting a specific outcome. Despite my failure to trust that He would fulfill His promise within His timing, He fulfilled it without me believing He would. That is humbling, friends.


I will say, never has any meeting with a friend been so divinely constructed. The Lord was clearly in all of it for me. It happened in the way that spoke appropriately to my heart. And, as we begin inching our way back towards friendship, I am comfortable and happy with this, albeit extremely cautious. After, our meeting, I went back to praying and felt like the Lord told me, "Your show of grace to this friend will be just a small representation of My Grace." Wow.


He showed me, that I did not take the easy way out - I chose, in some ways, the more difficult path. And, that it will have its fair share of challenges, but will primarily be a test in patience. He has done something He has never done before: very clearly stated that I'm in a new season. In the past they've kind of just blended from one to the next, but He specifically drew a line. It is different going forward. I am incredibly humbled and sufficiently challenged.

2011, Mr. New Year, I welcome you

Yikes - it's been a while. So quick recap of what's happened since the beginning of December.

• At the beginning of January, I was moved to a new position at LM. This is a very good thing...VERY good. Last week was my first week and I think I'm going to like it.
• I've made the decision to begin saving for a house...I think I may have mentioned this previously, but things are in the works as if this is really going to happen - estimated house purchase date is June-ish 2012.
• I've spent a few weeks of this new year looking for a church. I think there's a pretty good candidate out there...and for the time being, I will continue to go until I feel led otherwise.
• My new mantra for this year is...Yes! Saying yes to things (within reason) that I wouldn't normally say yes to...
• The biggest thing - I really feel like a healing process has begun or maybe more likely that I'm beginning to feel the effects of the said process. 

I've not hidden or made light of the fact that my heart has experienced a traumatic two years.  I've spent a long time wondering if I'd ever be okay. I have recently watched my friend go through a relationship (albeit not a long one) and towards the end get hurt. My heart ached for her, but I told her she was allowed to mope, but only for a week and then it's time to get re-focused and back to life. 

Man, if only I had taken my own advice two years ago. (Although, I'm still not sure it would have been too applicable...) Regardless, I decided to take my own advice this year - I was going to quit whining about what I don't have and focus on what I DO have. Remaining positive is so important...no one likes to be around someone who is always negative.

I was challenged by a friend to clean up my Facebook (FB) friends list.  Woah - let me tell you, there is something so freeing about paring down and removing that which is not important. Not to say that the people I deleted aren't important, but they're not a part of my life - at least not anymore. I think I've, so far, totaled about 75 people deleted from my FB friends list. I think I've put entirely too much importance on FB and let it carry a weight it shouldn't. 

I even took the difficult step in blocking people from FB...not because I didn't want them looking at my page, but more along the lines of not wanting to see their updates, pictures, posts, etc. Let me tell you - THIS WAS SO HARD!!! I feel like for a long time I was choosing to have that thorn in my side and for the first time, I chose to remove it.

I can't help but think that this is something the Lord wanted me to do a long time ago. I usually end up laughing at the Lord's timing...for some reason in my life, it's typically filled with irony. A few days afterwards, I visited a church. They were having a guest speaker. I have no doubt that it's what I needed to hear. 

He spoke about how when the Lord removes something from your past, he completely burns it up. No remnants remain - and you are not to look backwards but forwards. Talk about confirmation - removing my past completely, so I can only focus on the present and future. I left with a light heart...it's been a while since I've experienced that.

Maybe it's just me, but I like to believe that you cheer me on when breakthroughs or good things happen. A breakthrough! Moving forward! I have to laugh, though, because I take a few steps and am presented with a crossroads. In the short time I've spent praying about it - I feel like the Lord's told me, "Neither path is wrong or right." Well, thanks - not terribly helpful. 

So, what is this crossroad? An offer for reconciliation. Thankfully, no decision has to be made soon. But, currently I'm stuck at indecision. A week ago I would have said - yes, I am deserved an apology...blah blah blah. However, realizing that the past has been completely burned up - I question which option I should take. 

I also have the thought that maybe this reconciliation offer isn't just about me, but is also a step for the other party. So, if I say no - am I hindering someone else's growth? Will I regret not doing it? Will I regret doing it? Either option can end poorly...but both could end up fine. So, I request your prayers as I weigh my options. And, I'd even accept advice, too. :)