A new chapter in my journey

Tomorrow is a big day - tomorrow I embark on a new journey, well maybe more like a new chapter to a journey. But, before I can begin about this new embarkment, I have to share where I've been. It started [almost] 2 years ago in February of 2009. Before I begin - I ask that you do not judge me for what I'm going to share; I'm sure there are a few people out there that have opinions on the following.

February 2009 - A friend told me about this diet that a nutritionist had given her mom's friend. From here I began my journey to lose weight - I was not doing this for myself or my health, but for others. I wanted to look a certain way to attract a certain type of attention. That is never a good goal, because others' idea of what you should look like changes from person to person. I began a 500 calorie a day diet. Of only vegetables and meat. I will tell you I have NO desire to go back to that diet. I almost quit eating altogether because after 4 days of only meat - you get very sick of it. I did, however, begin to lose weight - over the course of about a month I lost 30 pounds.

I realized very quickly that the 500 calorie a day diet was unrealistic for me - I couldn't live like that, nor did I want to. So, I kind of gave up trying - nothing else had really worked in the past so there was no sense in trying those all over again. Besides, even after 30 lbs, when you fail to receive the approval that you're seeking you kind of figure what's the point?

Towards the end of September in 2009, the biggest emotional trial occurred and it changed many things for me. I had no way to cope and no way to heal. I essentially locked myself in my room whenever I was home.  Of course, when you live at home this kind of worries your parents. Fair I suppose.  To get out of the house, I began to walk around my neighborhood.  Walking didn't really help much, so in order to punish myself and my body, I started to run - the most hated activity I could think of for myself.

Ironically, to my surprise, I began to enjoy the challenge running presented and liked finding a way to push myself or really punish myself further.  I'd push myself so much that I was running 10-12 miles a week and coming home to ice my legs because they would ache. Maybe 10-12 miles isn't much for some, but to go from nothing to that in a short amount of time, my body hurt. In January of 2010, I noticed that even after 3 solid months of running, I had yet to lose a single pound. So, I mixed it up and worked on my P90X and running. I lost maybe 5 pounds over the course of 4 months. As the year continued I got to the point where I made absolutely no progress in running because I was too heavy for my body to improve.

In February of 2010, I decided to take part in Lent for the first time ever - I gave up soda and sweets for 6 weeks. I didn't lose a pound and have yet to return to my soda-drinking habit. I had also noticed that for quite some time I had been having other problems of a female nature - I chalked this up to stress and working out.  In the beginning of August this year, I gave up running. I was pushing myself so hard at times I couldn't breathe and almost passed out.  I regained almost 10-15 lbs in two weeks.

After my birthday, I decided to purchase myself a gym membership. I even got myself a personal trainer. Since August, I have been working out almost 5 times a week and been conscious of my eating. I've lost barely 5 pounds. I finally decided to go to the doctor; I had convinced myself that I had hypothyroidism because that makes it very difficult/practically impossible for your body to lose weight and I had also been struggling alot with fatigue.  Mom has hypothyroidism and it made sense that I would have it as well. This past week, my results came back and I'm ridiculously healthy. No hypthyroidism, no anemia - nothing to explain what was going on with my body.

I was very confused by this, so I began googling my results to figure out what was wrong. One of two things came up: hypothyroidism and Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).  I began to look into PCOS more and realized that I had been having many other symptoms that I was unaware was a "symptom" of anything.  Upon further research, I've come to understand that there is no cure for PCOS. It's a disease that can only be managed....by a low carb diet. I very much frown on a low carb diet; Mom and I had tried Atkins years ago and I very much failed at it. I understand now, though, that Atkins is the absolute most unhealthy way to eat a low-carb diet. Going to McDonald's and getting four cheeseburgers without the bun does not make you healthier.  Oh no - you should be replacing the carbs you would normally eat with veggies...yay. My favorite - no bread, veggies, no refined sugars. Great.

But, after spending plenty of time reading up on PCOS (which I am completely unaware may not be what I have), those that have PCOS that fail to manage it through a diet can suffer from infertility and it has also been found to lead to cancer. Nothing I want for myself. So, until I can get a doctor's appt., I have decided to embark on a low-carb lifestyle change. It is very good for you and if it helps alleviate my symptoms, then maybe I'm headed in the right direction in finding a solution for what's wrong with me.

So tomorrow, I change my life - I refuse to call this a diet. It's not a diet. A diet is something that is temporary and, to me, unsustainable. Two things I also do not want.  I will do my best to chronicle my journey as I begin trying to reach a sustainable healthy lifestyle. All prayers are appreciated, as this will not be an easy task. Through a conversation with a friend, I realized that perhaps I've made food an idol in my life. Maybe this is the way for the Lord to remove an idol from my life.